my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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