Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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