Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize