I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
