ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
