my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
