So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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