Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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