every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
