it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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