mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
