I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
