Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
