You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
