I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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