That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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