I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
