how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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