Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
