You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
COCAINE IS GR8
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
