I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
