I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
