Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
