nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
