I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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