Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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