I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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