but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
