im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
