So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
