i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
