dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
