bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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