Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
