a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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