Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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