Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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