I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
