I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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