so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My vagina is officially offended.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
