i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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