I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
