I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
