I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
