i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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