dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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