I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
