my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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