We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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