I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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