it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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