He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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